Feeling Loss
Updated: Jun 16, 2023
Little Miss Eevee had to go visit the vet on Monday. She has a small lump on her belly, and as we all know, those kinds of things can be super scary!!
The vet checked her all out, believes it is a "friendly lump", and says they should be able to remove it during her spay in a couple weeks!! Whew!! Fingers are still crossed ever so tightly that it does turn out well once they are able to learn more during her surgery.
This little one just turned 7yo at the end of April. She's our petite peanut who just loves to snuggle up with you under a blanket...no matter if it's a blustery winters day, or the hottest day of the year, a blanket is ALWAYS required!!!
Miss Eevee is my support pet. We got her not long after our oldest left for college. {She will tell you that Eevee is her "replacement". As of today, we have FOUR kids, and FOUR dogs....Hmmmm...} I was having such a hard time with it emotionally. Visited my Dr, and he got me started on Zoloft & a sleeping pill to make sure I was getting the rest I needed, but it just wasn't enough.
Being a homeschool family, we were together A LOT!! This year marks our 17th year homeschooling. That is a pretty long time to spend the majority of your days with the same people. You get connected...and you are just used to them BEING THERE. It's very hard when it is time for them to move on. It's not a bad thing at all!! They are meant to go out into the world to begin the next chapter in their lives. But, for a parent's heart, it is most definitely bittersweet.
Loss can be so hard. I think a lot of times, when we think about "loss" we think about someone passing. But, ALL loss can be hard. When a marriage ends, when a child leaves the home, when you need to change jobs, when a friend moves away, when a favorite show ends, when they do away with a product you've been using....it can be big or small, but it can hurt either way. Not only hurt but also disappoint...that's another big one that is quite the challenge. Along with having to cope with change...and for some of us, change is super difficult & a super struggle.
Even when the change leads to good things...there is still the loss that is there that needs to be acknowledged, felt, dealt with, and accepted. Do not let the thought of, "it's not that big of a deal" deter you from what you need. It's all about that grief process that we hear about. Depending on the level of the loss...we can zoom thru certain aspects of it, but need to spend some time in the others. Things like denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance all have their place in the process. It's important to do this...to work thru it. If we don't, it will linger...it WILL keep showing up.
Sometimes I feel like I really didn't handle our first steps towards "empty nesters" in such a good way. Thoughts like, "it shouldn't feel like this", "it shouldn't be like this", "I'm just being overdramatic", and such flooded my brain. Which then leads to the, "what is wrong with me?" thoughts. Those are the ones to really look out for.
Overtime, I learned that I was dealing with a lot more than JUST my daughter leaving home. Stuff that I had been able to pack away for quite a few years; it was starting to get shaken up. At that moment when we dropped her off at college...it was like Pandora's box busting open and spewing out all sorts of things I was VERY unprepared for. My "loss" was just the key, the catalyst, that got me starting to look deeper. It took some time, but there I found abandonment...which then, the way I was feeling when my it was time for my daughter to leave made SO much more sense!! And that there was NOTHING wrong with me or how I was feeling about the whole thing...I had stuff I needed to work thru, that was all.
Just going to leave a few helpful suggestions for those who might be dealing with loss right now. Take what you need.
Everything will be OK. You will be OK. You've got this!
Be patient with yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Feelings are a needed thing to let us know what we need. Listen to what your mind & body are telling you. Take time to slow down. Sit & listen to your feelings and the thoughts that seem to keep coming around. Dig deeper. Look for the WHY's of how you are feeling. All of this takes time. Self-care is a biggy during this time!!
Journal. Write things down. That way you can refer back to earlier thoughts if needed. Sometimes, our brain will keep such a tight grip on certain thoughts because it doesn't want them to get forgotten or lost...but if we write them down, it can let go of those because they have been acknowledged & put somewhere safe.
Talk to someone. Find a friend that you can talk to about what is bothering you. If it is about loss, like we have been chatting about today, or whatever that is on your mind. A great friend will want to sit and listen to all the bad, but also be right there to cheer you on with all of the good, as well! {I also suggest their should be coffee invovled...it is very healing!} Look into therapy or support groups. A therapist or psychologist will be able to help you with suggestion of coping skills or medications that can help you through all you are dealing with.
Triggers. Be aware that no matter how much healing is done, at some point, usually when you least expect it, there will be triggers. A lot of the times, you will learn your triggers and know what to avoid. But other times, a new one will show up, and next thing you know you are flooded with thoughts & feelings you were not prepared for. Overwhelm will set in. It's OK when this happens. It's normal. Sometimes it can be inconvenient, but if you have a good plan on what to do WHEN and IF it does occur, you will be just fine!
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